And into the gates he walks

As he turned away from the crowd, a cold chill ran through his spine. The setting sun over the skyline reminded him of where he wanted to be, at the same time, a look down the paved floor reminded him of where he was.

The last time he had fun was long ago. Not the fun people want you to have, the kind of pleasure that comes with a string attached. One end, pleasure; the other, remorse. This is not what he wanted, this is not what he looked for. As further away he was, the chill seemed to dim. He followed her into the crowd, into the noise, the chaos; and he admitted enjoying it for a while, then, that hung over feeling. That chill, that guilt, that feeling of waste. She, the temptress, the one he thought was pure; the one that took away what he gave. Nevertheless, an easy treat.

He didn't care for her now. She could stay in her heaven, while he ran away from his hell.

When the chaos engulfed the city, the crowd turned into a monster. The tentacles didn't come close, even at his slow pace. Cool headed, he kept walking where he felt like he needed to. Turning where he felt like, jumping the fences he saw on his way. If he fell, he would get up. He didn't care, better things were ahead. As the monster lurked, wanting to catch what it let go, it transformed into the temptress. She sang, moaned and cried for him. He didn't answer, he didn't care. No matter how fast the monster, the temptress, the crowd, chased; he would go faster, but it seemed that as fast as he went, he was very calm, cool and walking.

He knew that this is about him, it's always been.

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Hope anyone that reads this likes it, this came from just sitting in front of the computer at a regular workday, just letting whatever I thought of out. I admit, I don't post the most interesting things. In fact, this is pretty much my records so I don't expect anyone to like it. Except for this though. I actually would like to get some input on this.

I noticed that other blogs are giving their share of information to others. I didn't intentionally think about it, I just felt like tonight I should post something that was public friendly; and by all means if it's not then let me know.

But posting this first part was cathartic, which is one of the advantages of having a blog: Letting those bits of information out.
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The Birthday that never was

So, may the 19th passed... And what a glorious day. I went to the dentist, and took care of some other medical visits afterwards. I was scheduled to meet with friends and co-workers at some place but nobody showed up. Like always something happenned to everyone, at a global level. What's funny is that few called or left text messages.

I think I'm doing something wrong socially. That's the only explanation. I showed up late, because I was elsewhere hanging out with other people too, so that's why I'm not feeling resentful about what didn't happen.

But hell who cares! I returned home and hung out with my brother. I ordered sushi and we took pics.

I have to admit the year of the van has been one full of lessons. I don't like aging, in fact ever since I realized that I didn't get second chances, when I was 8 years old, every birthday seems to be a reminder that my time is limited. But it's not like I can help it. I can't turn back time, neither can I literally relive those years. Mind my philosophical interlude, but: if I was to wake up tomorrow, and begin from 5 years of age, I'd have a lot of information in my head. Then my whole childhood would lose it's meaning. It would give me an important advantage in life, but then again, somethings are not suppossed to be tampered with, like the delicate balance of life, whatever the hell that is.

So there goes my dream of redoing everything better. It's a stupid dream. I can't think of redoing stuff, I have to focus on doing stuff the right way. I will admit something, in peril of people taking advantage of this, when someone wants to redo their life, it's because they're not happy of how they have lived it. And I'm not happy. I've lost a lot of chances, but it doesn't mean I don't get to choose how I live the rest of my life. The only way to make things better, is to share what I know with others, not an easy task, but a possible one.

Hey everything that is worth while is difficult. That's why they refer to it as: worth while.

At the end, the fact that no one joined me in my get together doesn't bother me. The last year was a good one, and left me with a good amount of experience for not making the same mistakes again, and preventing future mishaps from coming to. And I'm happy with that.