When a piece falls off the puzzle

Throughout life, a human being is bound to interact with other living creatures. These interactions are the basis of human existence in itself, they let us survive the conditions that our habitat conveys. Interaction might not be the reason why we live, but it provides us with entertainment while on this journey; the same, as trivial as it may look through objective eyes, conceives society. Without human interaction, there would be no nations, no wars, no movement, no destruction, no development, no bigotry, etc. In other words, life as we know it would not be.

As a human being, living in this age, I find myself going through different sorts of interactions. The life style I have chosen, and the people that I share my time with, are key players in my mood. When placed on screen, it is evident that I am pointing out the obvious, but half my life, I lived in denial. I am a proud man, it does not bother me when I admit it, and it might be one fault that degenerates into many more. As a child and adult I think myself at times higher than the people that surround me, and admitting this might be silly because there is no gain to it, yet I do not hesitate to continue typing. But, as proud and hard headed as I am, there are moments when I decide to come down and have brunch with the mortals. The ivory tower I raised myself on to is nice, but it gets lonely. That is why I am so adamant in regards to making new friends and meeting different kinds of people. While interacting with many people, you get to know a lot of customs, and it helps you broaden your judgement spectrum, for better or worse. At the end, you find yourself surrounded with different people, from different places, sharing something with you that dismisses all sorts of disagreements that might come up in other scenarios.

The good interactions, are the ones you want to repeat; those that you want more of. When this happens we call it friendship. A friend to me is a person you feel you can rely on, and you do everything you can for them to rely on you. It's a mutual contract, binding you to keep secrets, lend a hand and/or shoulder when needed, and cheer from the sideline indefinitely. Because of these conditions, not everyone can sign up, most contracts are annulled, and as with any other legal documents there are those who will commit fraud, affecting their credit history.

It does not happen often, for some of us, that a friendship endures time, emotions, conflicts and interests. The few that do, are precious, and are kept safe. Unfortunately, as humans, at one point our journey must come to an end, yet the contract, does not regard this condition for annulment. The feeling that one part has to go through when this happen is terrible, and perhaps it is the price we pay for it. I do not regret, as much as I am paying now, that I signed up for it. I might not have to deposit as much as others, the fact is, that it does not really matter what the cost is, as long as you have it. This is not money, friendships can not be measured, grief can not be compared. I lost some one close to me this year, this is the means I have of grieving. She was cut short from a great trip that was just beginning, or maybe she started a much fruitful experience; at least I hope so. I am sad, I do not want to repeat myself, and yet I still do. The interesting thing is, that anyone that belongs to that circle we are in, has manifested in one way or the other the same grief I have. The difference being, that I have distracted myself, and avoided the issue. I saw myself as someone that had to be there for the others, even though most of the time, it was not necessary. I sometimes look at myself as being ignored, yet at the same time, I feel like I can do without the approval of whoever surrounds me. I think it helps me being this way, not answering to anyone, and just work to achieve what I want, even though no one wants to or sees me achieving it. The one thing she said, that still remains with me, is how she liked how I placed so much effort when I did something. Up until then, I had no need for someone to tell me how they felt; yet when she did, I was happy that someone noticed. Is it that after so much time expecting attention, I decided to forget it and to focus on myself and my approval? Have I taken a step forward, or a step back? Does it really matter? I payed her friendship with my selfishness; and I signed for it fully aware of what I was giving up.

I ignore what the effects of writing this are. I refuse to compare myself with others, and yet the thought of her fiance comes to mind, a few days before getting married and this happens; or her mother, who shared so much with her. Our friends, and the ones she had I did not meet. Is it camaraderie or just the need to compare my pain with others, so I cheer myself up. It failed so many times before, and being true to my taurian trait, I keep doing it.

I knew her, and yet I did not. She was human, she was imperfect. She had allergies, and was hyper active. We all miss her, and deny her being dead, by celebrating her life. Pauline, I don't know what to say, I thought that goodbye would be stupid, since we are all bound to meet afterwards, I hope that you are doing well, you deserve great things evidently, and for anyone to deny you that is ludicrous. Please, rest in peace.