Release

I don't go out of my way to make others feel bad about themselves, to me that's sick. The reason why I'm starting this post with this has to do with what I went through today. I know people do this to me, and I am aware of how much of a paranoid it makes me look like; it is what it is.

I can't escape social interaction, and would not go that route at all, but sometimes when I feel as attacked as I have the last couple of weeks I try to isolate myself as much as I can. I can fully concentrate on my duties, things I want to learn, etc. That brings me some peace, it's something I can control.

The realization that you can't ethically control what others think of you has come to me. I know only how to manage my reactions, or at least I'm learning to.

Which brings me to this question: if someone doesn't do something I'd like for them to do, should I react the same way I always do? Should I let them be? Or should I react the way some folks have? Should I throw tantrums? Should I "get even"? Should I make believe a land where all the sorrows of this world are bestowed upon me by the people who don't give me what I want?

Answer to the above: No. Yes. No, and never. I'm a bit too old for tantrums. Getting even sounds nice but it's seriously not worth it. I'm not a passive aggressive "victim".

So I have this blog to let my negative emotions out. Today I let my emotions get the best of me. Whatever message I wanted to convey was not worded the best way possible. At the same time I caused reactions I wasn't expecting, but I learned about how one can be manipulated when angry. I just hope all of this has a reason for happenning.