Lines of Time (revisited)

I wanted to discuss the subject of my last post again. The last few days I've been having problems with stress relief, and I also have noticed that I'm not enjoying where I am at that much. Everything is pretty much predictable, and the lack of sleep I've suffered from last week doesn't help me judge clearly and make decisions as I would prefer to. It doesn't seem like it, but there's a commonplace with the fore mentioned and my last post.

The last post had to do with me recognizing how I felt bad about not doodling/drawing, and also dealing with the fact that there are things I have to leave out of my life since I feel that I should start adjusting things in it, naturally, to avoid having some awkward stage where I try to relive my youth.

So now I feel that I worry way too much. That same worry about me not doing something I don't approve keeps me from living experiences that I will/have regret/ted, and in turn will make me want to do them if I get to a desperate point. As if I didn't know any better (and now I might be way too hard on myself). Judging things from my point of view is not a good call, and I realized what the main reason that keeps me from doing the things I want to do: distractions.

I tend to have these ideas about any subject in particular, but I don't follow through (2009 posts for example) and wind up with a self-deprecating attitude about lack of discipline. Which is justified, since I should focus on something if I truly crave it. So the Lines of Time post wasn't really complete; I don't establish any boundaries to what I can do, I just go with it until I'm happy with the results. I know that people have their opinions, but it's really nothing that I can do with right now, and rather do without. My issue has to do with me starting something I want to do, that initial push. I can't ask anyone to help me in this (I think), but knowing what is my obstacle will help me defeat or conquer it.

Lines of time

On my last post I commented on doodling something, since I felt like doing entries on the blog I thought to myself I should doodle for fun... I didn't, and I don't know how to feel about it: on the one hand I didn't do it because I had something else to do; on the other I know I would like to sit down for a couple of hours every two days or so and follow-up on some things I thought of.

Am I losing the love for it that I had earlier? I have been struggling with the fact that I feel that as I get older things that are really accessible to me, I perceive as though will not. Certain things not to do, places not to go, attitudes not to have, or clothes not to wear. Everything perfectly age appropriate for someone in their 30's. I think it is justifiable, since I know people really don't comment nor care about it, but I'm starting to think that I should let myself grow into this age appropriate lifestyle I want to follow, otherwise I will lose it's authenticity and will wind up backing out.

For now, I have to put my feet on the ground and accept the things I do as part of me. Doodling at my age can be followed with more ambitious paths I think, and hope. I know that, as my mother tells me, we are the ones that set our limits.

Limits that I rather not think about for now.

It's so late right now, but I don't care... :)

I'm turning 29 next month, that anxiety comes and goes like strobe lights. I miss photography, my blog, drawing, projects, and some other stuff.


I decided to come back at 2 AM on a Saturday to post some thoughts, and after my other post I don't know what else to write about so I might just go to bed and tomorrow I should go back to doodling some wild character based on myself (for the n-th time).



It just feels better to post something random here and go on.

I'm still here... I'm still thinking

A few walks at night reminded me how long it's been since I started typing in this empty field. I know it sounds rather emotional, to put it modestly. I missed this, so I got a little romantic on my first sentence. I get romantic/melancholic from time to time, I keep it to myself however.

Right now I'm still the same person, working on my personality and trying more and more to do it for me. I guess that's the main factor with being human now a days: doing the best for yourself. I have done some things since my last post that have reassured me that ideas I've written here have been right, and left the self-deprecation for some moments and realized that I've done good. I don't love the things I've done. I'm not at all very happy with some of my habits and reactions, but as someone has told me, I recognize my faults, some others rather not even comment on them.

A few walks at night have made me realize a lot of things. I am grateful for the things in my life, but I know I can get more than what I have.