untitled thoughts 2

Here's my second entry. I'm making an effort to stay within the analysis of what I'm going through so to get a concrete idea as to how I am to manage my problems.

Right now, for instance, I feel incredibly lonely. I feel that after a whole day of work or being busy, I just stay alone and have no one to share what I go through with. I have friends, and I am grateful for having them, but I don't feel I connect with them that much.

I have a problem: I get distracted from the things I want to do or have to do. I am not happy about it, and I haven't admitted that I do it, but it's there. This is one of the things I feel uncomfortable sharing with anyone because it's so awkward. I feel like an irresponsible kid and I'm about to be 30 years old. The dilemma here has to do with me not feeling comfortable to talk this over with any of my friends/family because I get the impression that what I'm going to get is nagging criticism that will deter me from what I really want: to solve my distraction issue. I just want to do the things that occur to me, and have that as something to feel proud of. That's it.

That said, I feel that the best thing I can do is use this blog as a means to sort out what I want to do. If I have to have one distraction let it be this one, since with it I can at least improve my typing and writing skills. I have illustration, writing, home, and health projects in mind. The reason I don't get to work on them is because I give in to my habits. I know habits are not always fun, they are just a means of wasting time.

How will things go? Will I ever achieve the things I have in mind? I don't really know. I'm going to go for it, see the whole thing through (each of my "things"). I can't hope for anything specific, just to get things done. I can't set deadlines, or maybe I should. I know typing it all helps at least and at the same time hope that it doesn't end up being something I write down and never see happen, just because I didn't see it through.

I have to stop being pessimistic and giving up. I am not getting any younger, and not doing anything, i. e. putting my plans in a closet and my dreams in a trunk doesn't help me feel better about myself. Maybe talking about them wouldn't be bad. Why should I take it upon myself to think that my friends are going to put me down just because I haven't shared something with them? Isn't that a bit pretentious of myself? Taking decisions for them?

It is. I will stop formulating dialogues about how they might put me down. I realize I'm the one with the problem here, not them.