The Journal of...

untitled thoughts 1

2012-02-23T00:38:00.006-05:00

I'm trying something new tonight: it has to do with venting but I don't really want to classify it as such because I want to analyze what I feel. These posts are related to things that occur to me, either positive or negative. I want to dissect each idea to know the best way to sort things through. So here goes the first one:

Every one of us has moments, good or bad. If we are akin to someone then we want to share whatever happened to us with that person, either in experience or through words. There's no exception to this rule, it's just our nature. In fact, I tried to think of one but couldn't come up with a sane example.

Bad moments are the worse secret to keep: the negativity eats you up inside. You need to do something or tell someone what's going through you. When you can't do something then you really need to let it out. But is the person who you trust able to manage whatever bomb you throw at them? Do you know them that well? Do you think that maybe this can wait?

If you ask for empathy you should first be empathetic, at least that's what I try to do. I am living a situation that I rather not disturb anyone's great mood with my thoughts. I wait, and ponder: do I really want to share any of this with this person? Isn't it better just to solve things and then later comment on this, if at all necessary, and think of it as just something that went awry? I'm going with introspection and diligence for this one. I'm not getting anything but pity and a pat on the back if I start telling people how I feel, so might as well skip that for the after party.

I have to be honest: that would be just an excuse to make contact and not an effort to solve a problem.

Revisiting reblogging

2012-02-23T00:06:00.005-05:00

It's about 1 AM right now and I should know better than being up this late when I have to get up to go to work and be a responsible adult, etc. Regardless, I felt the need to type in some words here and there since it's been a while and I've gone through some things that made me look back at the blog and realize why I started it.

Life has always been a journey to me. Even if I don't physically move, there's something inside that's dynamic. Each post is a landmark. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know where or how I will stop and it's not important. There's a good variety of things to do and see. People to meet or observe. Hence the title of my blog.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be raised differently or to live in a different country or environment. I often blame myself for the choices I make, which is not totally wrong since I'm never in a gunpoint type situation. However, I know decisions could have always been better and hindsight, as much as I hate it often prevents me from stumbling on the same rock (or boulder).

Blogging is not an escape for me. As much as I vent on here I have learned that dilemmas are to be treated personally and approached objectively. As difficult or boring as it may be to take this approach I believe that we can't take a path down a road with our emotions or personal interests guiding the helm, rather with a more general approach and fully aware (or as aware as the situation shall allow) of the consequences of said path.

Blogging is a means for me to record what I do. At one point it did become a means of venting but I have noticed this passed year that you don't need to vent out anything and just tackle the issue. My approach, because of what I do, is to be subtle and it will state the obvious without being condescending.

Here's to more post, with shorter times in between and to honoring our personal wishes, as long as they're not to place anyone in harm.

Later!

Lines of Time (revisited)

2011-06-19T23:13:00.003-04:00

I wanted to discuss the subject of my last post again. The last few days I've been having problems with stress relief, and I also have noticed that I'm not enjoying where I am at that much. Everything is pretty much predictable, and the lack of sleep I've suffered from last week doesn't help me judge clearly and make decisions as I would prefer to. It doesn't seem like it, but there's a commonplace with the fore mentioned and my last post.

The last post had to do with me recognizing how I felt bad about not doodling/drawing, and also dealing with the fact that there are things I have to leave out of my life since I feel that I should start adjusting things in it, naturally, to avoid having some awkward stage where I try to relive my youth.

So now I feel that I worry way too much. That same worry about me not doing something I don't approve keeps me from living experiences that I will/have regret/ted, and in turn will make me want to do them if I get to a desperate point. As if I didn't know any better (and now I might be way too hard on myself). Judging things from my point of view is not a good call, and I realized what the main reason that keeps me from doing the things I want to do: distractions.

I tend to have these ideas about any subject in particular, but I don't follow through (2009 posts for example) and wind up with a self-deprecating attitude about lack of discipline. Which is justified, since I should focus on something if I truly crave it. So the Lines of Time post wasn't really complete; I don't establish any boundaries to what I can do, I just go with it until I'm happy with the results. I know that people have their opinions, but it's really nothing that I can do with right now, and rather do without. My issue has to do with me starting something I want to do, that initial push. I can't ask anyone to help me in this (I think), but knowing what is my obstacle will help me defeat or conquer it.

Lines of time

2011-05-03T00:19:00.003-04:00

On my last post I commented on doodling something, since I felt like doing entries on the blog I thought to myself I should doodle for fun... I didn't, and I don't know how to feel about it: on the one hand I didn't do it because I had something else to do; on the other I know I would like to sit down for a couple of hours every two days or so and follow-up on some things I thought of.

Am I losing the love for it that I had earlier? I have been struggling with the fact that I feel that as I get older things that are really accessible to me, I perceive as though will not. Certain things not to do, places not to go, attitudes not to have, or clothes not to wear. Everything perfectly age appropriate for someone in their 30's. I think it is justifiable, since I know people really don't comment nor care about it, but I'm starting to think that I should let myself grow into this age appropriate lifestyle I want to follow, otherwise I will lose it's authenticity and will wind up backing out.

For now, I have to put my feet on the ground and accept the things I do as part of me. Doodling at my age can be followed with more ambitious paths I think, and hope. I know that, as my mother tells me, we are the ones that set our limits.

Limits that I rather not think about for now.

It's so late right now, but I don't care... :)

2011-04-30T02:38:00.005-04:00

I'm turning 29 next month, that anxiety comes and goes like strobe lights. I miss photography, my blog, drawing, projects, and some other stuff.

I decided to come back at 2 AM on a Saturday to post some thoughts, and after my other post I don't know what else to write about so I might just go to bed and tomorrow I should go back to doodling some wild character based on myself (for the n-th time).

It just feels better to post something random here and go on.

I'm still here... I'm still thinking

2011-04-30T02:18:00.004-04:00

A few walks at night reminded me how long it's been since I started typing in this empty field. I know it sounds rather emotional, to put it modestly. I missed this, so I got a little romantic on my first sentence. I get romantic/melancholic from time to time, I keep it to myself however.

Right now I'm still the same person, working on my personality and trying more and more to do it for me. I guess that's the main factor with being human now a days: doing the best for yourself. I have done some things since my last post that have reassured me that ideas I've written here have been right, and left the self-deprecation for some moments and realized that I've done good. I don't love the things I've done. I'm not at all very happy with some of my habits and reactions, but as someone has told me, I recognize my faults, some others rather not even comment on them.

A few walks at night have made me realize a lot of things. I am grateful for the things in my life, but I know I can get more than what I have.

Humans can't be near the sun

2010-09-27T23:17:00.006-04:00

I know I'm not made of stone. I tend to hold grudges, and don't know how to express my anger with words. I take things personal. Those are (some of) my faults. I don't like to have them, so I work on minimizing them. I try being as objective as possible, forgiving, putting my thoughts to words and thinking about the purpose of some comments. I know when I do something wrong, because of this feeling I get inside of me, that's like someone tugging my sleeve telling me to go back and undo everything at that very moment. I didn't get that feeling recently.

Everything had been seen before: behavior pattern, responses, and results. It was like watching a group of dominoes lined up, one before the other; you know what will happen if you push the first, so it falls on the second, and so on and so forth. I understood what I saw as a typical response that I denied from existing. I knew that whatever I said would lead to this. Off I went to set my dominoes, one after the other.... All 18 of them, lined up. Let's see what happens when someone pushes one...

... Dominoes down...

I realized that putting all my chips on the table, setting them neatly, making amusing shapes, and sequences did not help. The end result was that all of them went down. 18 or 2, whatever number, it didn't matter.

Metaphors aside, I realized that talking clearly, establishing limits, and all other things are sometimes disregarded and might also be insulting. Also that, my faults and the fact that I work on them to disappear make me human. Some people can't stand having faults, it takes from their shine; makes them dull. That's why I decided that I can't be near them, they are too much, and I'm only human.

Release

2010-09-02T00:31:00.002-04:00

I don't go out of my way to make others feel bad about themselves, to me that's sick. The reason why I'm starting this post with this has to do with what I went through today. I know people do this to me, and I am aware of how much of a paranoid it makes me look like; it is what it is.

I can't escape social interaction, and would not go that route at all, but sometimes when I feel as attacked as I have the last couple of weeks I try to isolate myself as much as I can. I can fully concentrate on my duties, things I want to learn, etc. That brings me some peace, it's something I can control.

The realization that you can't ethically control what others think of you has come to me. I know only how to manage my reactions, or at least I'm learning to.

Which brings me to this question: if someone doesn't do something I'd like for them to do, should I react the same way I always do? Should I let them be? Or should I react the way some folks have? Should I throw tantrums? Should I "get even"? Should I make believe a land where all the sorrows of this world are bestowed upon me by the people who don't give me what I want?

Answer to the above: No. Yes. No, and never. I'm a bit too old for tantrums. Getting even sounds nice but it's seriously not worth it. I'm not a passive aggressive "victim".

So I have this blog to let my negative emotions out. Today I let my emotions get the best of me. Whatever message I wanted to convey was not worded the best way possible. At the same time I caused reactions I wasn't expecting, but I learned about how one can be manipulated when angry. I just hope all of this has a reason for happenning.

Ra-JI-O

2010-03-03T11:07:00.010-05:00

Today I put on the online radio station I listen to at work. First songs that played:

Godsmack - I fucking hate you.
Whiskeytown - Don't be sad. (new to me)
Tori Amos - Winter. (new to me)
City and Colour - Like Knives. (new to me)
Prince & the Revolution - Kiss.
Kate Bush - King of the Mountain. (new to me)

I needed to listen to something like those two first songs. I'm facing "social problems" because of my responsibilities at work. Stuff that I cannot avoid doing, people not willing to understand where I'm coming from and expecting me to be empathic to them. As much as I'd like to continue writing about this (there's a lot I have to get out of my chest) I don't want to ramble about that.

The good thing about today: trying out the new (cheaper) ear buds I bought, which sound better than the ones I used to buy. One thing I love about online stations: I don't have to get stuck listening to the same mainstream artists every local station plays over and over again. Sadly I don't get to hear to local bands, but I get to go to their concerts.

Why those first 6 songs were so spot-on today:

Godsmack's song is great for when you know you have that hate inside you. Its like Sully Erna went ape-shit in my place. Thanks Sully!
Whiskeytown always delivers when it comes to a great sound. After hearing "I fucking hate you", something as soft as "Don't be sad" fell in quite adequately.
"Winter" by Tori Amos, helped me calm down some more.
I don't remember hearing "City and Colour" before, I know I liked them. It reminded me of the The Dears (which I like). They/he seems indie. The song was very soothing.
About Prince: even though "Kiss" doesn't fall in with the rest of the other songs themes, it was nice to direct the mood into another region.
"King of the Mountain": First time I hear this one. Interesting fact: The station is modeled after Kate Bush's mega-covered song "Running up that Hill".

The web page I use as my radio station is Jango. If you're in the US (or any country that this one allows) try out Pandora which works also on the same basis as Jango. Sadly I can't listen to Pandora anymore, but it's highly recommended.

The closing decade

2009-12-31T21:29:00.004-05:00

Within minutes from this decades end, I would like to make this post and write about the things I am grateful for. The things that have happened these last 10 years, that have had an impact on how I spend my time:
- Internet: At the beginning of this decade I began to interact more actively within the internet. I created web pages, and chatted. Downloaded media and even started blogs (besides this one there's 2 others that didn't take off). I have joined communities, and it's by far the biggest thing to impact my life.
- Graphic Design and Illustration: I like drawing. I like design, and expressing myself through images. The visualization of ideas that come to me is an amazing thing. The last half of the decade I've been trying to get away from my career and escape to the world of illustration/animation/graphic design. I have not pursued this, because of perhaps a fear of not providing to my family as an artist. Not providing as much as I am providing right now.
- Writing: Ever since my junior year in high school, I've liked writing. One of my teachers gave me a push with an assignment, and ever since I've written prose and stories. Not all concluded, most just drafts that are just there; but I can't deny that this decade I've satisfied that desire of writing more than the last.
- Social relations: I am shy. Not by nature, but because I recognize that I am insecure sometimes. The irony of this is that I know that I can be very pleasant and approachable if I stop thinking about trying to satisfy everyone's expectations and not my own. These last 10 years I've made friends, and have quarreled more than the previous 10. I've gotten an idea of how things are managed within my environment, since I can't actually tell if how interpret things is the real way that they happen. All and all there's somethings to improve, and I'm willing to do so.
- Physical activity: If the first part of this decade was dedicated to developing a career as a means of getting by, this last half in its entirety has been dedicated to doing all the things I've always wanted to do physically. I joined the gym and discovered that I really like weight lifting/bodybuilding. I practiced capoeira for 2 years, and I liked it also. A wrist injury (now healed) stopped my practice, but I am seriously reconsidering going back. I have practiced yoga, and loved it also. It's an amazingly challenging discipline, and sadly, due to scheduling challenges I had to drop out of.
- Career: The first part of the decade I spent studying. Albeit not what I really thought as my calling, electronic engineering is my mean of getting by. I'm not exactly the best at what I do, but the challenges I have keep me a bit competitive.
- Intimate relations: The one field I really don't touch base on so often. I sort of fell in love, but my fear of not providing enough to that person made me stay away. It's one of those stupid things I do, as a man, that comes back and bites me in the ass. She's married now, and I'm still at the same place. Something will come along, but I rather go and look for it.
- Loss: Throughout this last decade I've lost friends and relatives that I love. I can't help it, as much as I would love to. I'm grateful that I spent time with these people, and hope that the ones I still have with me share the best of times with me. It is sad, but you cope with loss (somehow) and move on. I have not forgotten my loved ones, every memory I keep is in their honor. May you rest in peace.
- Music: I'm not a musician. I enjoy a good song and love to know about the bands I follow. I've tried to sing on my own, and it does not come naturally (a good tone). However, I learned that my voice is an instrument. Maybe I can learn how to sing, find the range I can work at and who knows if I might do it one day to entertain small crowds. But to be honest: drawing will always come first.

That's all. These years ahead of me I hope to duplicate the things I learned, travel to different places, work in a different country, and share my knowledge with the world.

Acknowledging what I want

2009-12-14T07:27:00.009-05:00

Recognition and acknowledgment are similar concepts. For my purposes, however, acknowledgment is a means of finally accepting something you know is there, something you already recognized and decided to stop ignoring.

Realize that what you want may require making tough choices. Acknowledgment of what you want, reinforces this decision. The importance, to me, of going through with this step lies on the fact that sometimes, either willingly or not, we forget about things we're aware of as beneficial. We stop paying attention, and eventually they become a rare memory to us.

I had ideas for a lot of things, I knew they were good, and I wanted to follow up. Sadly, I didn't acknowledge the fact that they are/were something worth pursuing. I knew it was a good thing, I am able to recognize that. However, my lack of motivation, or the fact I did not pursue these ideas, can be (or is) linked to not acknowledging any of them as important. Not confirming that they were/are going to make an improvement in my life, that they occurred to me because of dissatisfaction about a particular aspect, made me forget about them.

Acknowledgement is a reinforcement of your goal. If you truly want to pursue something in your life, it will come up as an idea to you (recognizing it), then you have to question it to know whether you really want to pursue this change and the consequences that come with it (acknowledging it).

Change is a worm hole that's on the bottom of a bluff. Ask yourself if you have courage to jump into it.

Recognizing what I want

2009-12-02T09:09:00.011-05:00

This is one of my few entries for this year. I've been quiet for a long time, and I feel it's unfair on my part that I haven't logged anything in.

This year has been interesting. I've done somethings that I wanted to do for some time now, and I am happy. Little by little, I've tried to overcome some of my faults. I try to examine myself as much as possible. I know perfection is both subjective and difficult to achieve, but if I'm hard-headed I will have a shot of becoming the person I want to be.

Right now, I'm thinking about what I say to people, before I talk to them. It's basic, and it's necessary, but I sometimes just spoke without thinking. I did not hurt anyone, but I opened myself too much; this lead to people manipulating me, and berating me. It felt like I couldn't avoid it. This is not true. From what I lived, I know I can avoid a lot of things.

To avoid things that hurt, I've listed some of my challenges:
- Recognizing what I want.
- Acknowledging what I want.
- Determining what I truly feel about something/someone.
- Expressing this feeling.
- Demanding what I want.

I tend to put my needs in the background, and focus on the people that I love and their needs. This is altruistic and (at some degree) honorable, but not working for me. When you do it long enough, you lose track of the things you want in life. I don't blame anyone but myself for this. This is the polar opposite of being selfish and, if I further dissect it, I know that my behavior was driven by the need for some sort of external validation.

It's healthier to think of my needs first. If I satisfy them, I can help others with theirs. I can't live for the sake of someone Else's judgement. I'm not willing to let my emotional welfare be subject to something as volatile as a persons mood. It's nice to hear a compliment every once in a while, but I now cut off at that point. External validation is now just the sprinkles on my ice-cream. I don't go for sprinkles, but if they're complimentary, then I don't mind getting them.

Hemisferio derecho

2008-12-16T22:20:00.002-05:00

Hoy acabe mi clase de dibujo. Fui interesante, y es la primera vez que me inscribo en una curso con deseos completos de tomar clases. Cada día que iba era con una meta. Cada momento que quería quedarme en casa me daba una galleta (no literalmente claro) y me decía: "ok, tu entraste a esto por algo, sácale provecho!". Tambien ayuda el hecho de que estaba pagando por un clases de verdad, el profesor tiene vocación y el progreso se notaba en cada semana.
Cosas a mejorar:
- Tengo que seguir practicando. Si quiero llegar donde me prometí tengo que poner mi mejor actitud, olvidarme del mundo y estudiar más.
- Enfocarme. Con cada paso que tomé, debe de haber una razón para tomarlo; el enfoque va hacia dicha razón. Me hace lógica que concentrándome alcance las metas de corto plazo.
- Saber como invertir/tiempo y dinero, o planificarme bien. Quiero aprender maneras de como ahorrar tiempo y dinero para ayudarme. No va a ayudar de dónde consigo mis materiales, sino qué hago con ellos.

Eso es todo, espero que escribiendo esto me despavile más.

And the fuss is about what?

2008-11-05T22:34:00.004-05:00

ok, i hate blogging about this, but what the hell? The whole thing about whomever is elected shouldn't even concern the Dominican Republic. Yes, it is news. Yes, it's the "leader of the free world" elected (that term is more fitting of the XXth century by the way); and yes, it's history that a member of a minority group anywhere was elected president. Good, and valid.

NOW! My question: Does that change any diplomatic policies? I'll start asking people who've been using their time to promote votes for the US democratic party to tell me how they think that it affects the US-Dominican relations over all. I can bet the one answer I fear will be the most popular one: "there's going to be more acceptance when we apply for US visa". LORD! I'm not telling anyone to stay and fight for the country, but if I've learned something about every time I've passed through immigrations to enter the US is that my country, like anybody else, it is my home. I like the US, heck I learned their culture from an early age and as you might have noticed English is my second language, but I'm in tone with the fact that as American as I might sound, I'm really Dominican and I'm proud of where I come from.

Being zealous about another country's elections is understandable; but if international policies do come with a party power change, and the Dominican people do get something out of it (far fetched by the way)THEN it would be relevant.

Also, one thing to discuss, who CARES what the color of the presidents skin is, or what religion he follows? It's what the guy can do in the position that counts. The whole "first black president" has been taken to an obnoxious level. On one hand its good that people see that there are equal rights at all levels, yet the guy still a politician, that's not related to race or gender issues; it's a whole other way of thought from the rest of us, believe me.

Proyectos - Semana 1

2008-05-13T23:31:00.003-04:00

Faltando poco para mi cumpleaños tengo planes para cosas que quiero cumplir en el tiempo que tengo aquí. Reconozco que no he seguido como hubiese querido las cosas que deseo y por ende no las tengo; más sín embargo, el reconocerlo me ayuda a reaccionar en contra de esta inercia.

Cuál es el plan? Simple: en las proximas semaanas tengo que completar tareas que programe el domingo en la noche. Objetivo: Demostrar que puedo seguir un plan para hacer lo que sea en x tiempo y hacerlo efectivamente. Me gustaría que me dieran apoyo, dejandome comentarios pero no veo que tenga muchos lectores que quieran dejar mensajes, pero no importa.

Esta semana me toca planificación: tengo que desarrollar 24 ideas diferentes de las cuales al sabado ya tengo que decidir cuales son las que se van a producción. Hoy lo hago público, ya los resultados se veran si sigo disciplinado con esto.

Deseenme suerte!

Jorge

Seedy was the word of the day

2008-05-06T22:39:00.002-04:00

I found myself in front of this: "describe seedy", and I described it with the help of merriamwebster.com, finding 4 definitions for one word (that's called homograph I think). Seedy can be something that has lots of seeds, something that is run-down, irresputable or slightly unwell. Bliss, for those of us who want to enrich their vocabulary.

The day didn't call much for things that were seedy, albeit it being a homograph (that's a new term for me also, i'm psyched!). I like how everything went today, not at all shabby. I feel like I learned something that I can't quite put my finger on, or just that I don't want to say it aloud because I don't want to forget it (a bit on the supersticiously clingy side). Regardless, I feel good.

I was in a vacation, from myself. The trip kinda sucked, though. I forgot how I liked going to the movies by myself and watching a film and just thinking about the dialogue and the effects and where it was taking me. The nights eating sushi at the bar went away, not making conversation about things I didn't care to talk about.

Last sunday all of this came to happen: movies, dinner, happiness. No nagging, no hissing; just me. I forgot all about that. I noticed how people see me as being something that I'm not, and I remembered how those words are really best left to the wind to carry. The few souvenirs I took are writing, my blog, my photographs and my undying liking for drawing. I discovered that no one is suppossed to get me, I shouldn't ask for miracles. "I am what I am" said Popeye before tooting his pipe; and I agree with that weird version of David. I liked walking home and talking to my family. I'm lucky to keep that thing from my teen years. I used to go with my brother and sister; but they moved on, and so have I.

Steps going back home, walking at my own pace, not listening to anyone talk about anything; just me. I don't get what's not to like.

Y para qué estamos aquí?

2008-04-16T23:14:00.004-04:00

Figurese usted lector: Esta ya fuera de la universidad, con un buen trabajo y pensando avanzar más en sus estudios, pero con un pequeño detalle en contra de su camino... O quizas más de uno. La realidad mía y de terceros cercanos es que estamos en ese punto:

Sí, ya tenemos un estudio de grado hecho.
Sí, ya estamos trabajando y ganando decentemente.
Sí, estamos haciendo cosas que no podíamos hacer en la universidad por que, como estaba la situación en esos tiempos, tuvimos suerte de que haya dinero para pagarla.

Pero ahora por dónde tomar camino? Las tardes se vuelven las mismas, haciendo las mismas cosasm, el sitio variando, y el tiempo pasando. Vemos a nuestro alrededor y todas las otras personas, o se casan, o se van del país a hacer un estudio post-grado, el punto es que ahora uno se siente como que si se paró el tiempo a los 21 años.

Habemos un grupo de gente que estamos como sin rumbo. Tenemos deseos de hacer algo para terminar una era, pero no sabemos qué. Llegamos a esa conclusión. Estamos cansados de estar en el mismo sitio, pero es que también no hemos decidido dónde ir!

Ahora, en mi opinión, lo que nos queda es ya ver cómo salir de este hoyo existencial. Se dice que el primer paso para recuperarse de un vicio es reconocer que uno tiene un problema, y ya lo hicimos: identificamos que dónde estamos no estamos felices. Mi aflición es estar dependiendo de mi familia, y viviendo con ellos, como una especie de adolescentismo (adicción a ser adolescente); ppara ser sincero ya estoy viejo para eso, voy ya a cumplir 26 años y quiero salir de aquí.

Se despide...

trivial meaning

2008-04-14T21:03:00.002-04:00

I was walking home today from dinner with friends, and someone decided to start singing so the others guess what the song was; when my turn comes I wind up singing a Spark from Tori Amos and no one guessed. I think I have odd musical tastes. I listen to what the lyrics are, and then there's the beat and the melody comes last. There are some exceptions to this, for instance, the Mars Volta, which has a sweet guitar intro, and the whole ensemble of instruments is awesome. The lyrics from the first song I heard from them (L'Via L'Viaquez) are tough to follow, so it's better to pay attention to the music.

I like it when I hear a story, it doesn't have to be close to home, and it doesn't have to be an epic fantasy; I believe that explains why I analyze lyrics. One of my friends told me he likes to listen to the whole album of one artist, to understand what they wanted to say with their production. It made sense, after all, a painter has a collection of work that he/she displays; a movie must be watched completely to understand the message; a book can't be read in excerpts, by doing this you will fail to understand what the writers ideas were; a haute-couture collection has to tell a story, each piece linking with each other; all the acts in a play go together in a consecutive manner to efficiently convey a tale. All of the forementioned basically seeks to provide a message.

The arts are used for expression. Let's face it, we like a challenge. An artist can and will present us with an idea; some will be clear, others will be abstract as to incite pondering to the receiver of the message.

I think about all of this, and I believe that gives me an idea as to why I go for the meaningful expression; I like to figure out songs, I like to listen to Tori Amos talking about her losses and her grief; I like to listen to Duncan Sheik talking about the bad relationships; I like to listen to Erykah Badu, talk about life and how the people she loves; I hope one day I can express myself like that. I know I have it in me.

Wish I

2008-02-08T23:32:00.001-05:00

As I read the words on the screen, and heard them to the beat
Wish I'd seen you the moment they were conceived.
And the songs never grow old, and the stories can always be told
Wish I'd seen the things you see.
Pen and paper hold you true, and show the world your mind in truth
Wish I'd express the things I feel.

I sit here writing what hopefully will be an homage
since you sing, write and talk to me about your life
and every word seems to compel me,
as every sentence unravels feelings in me,
and every paragraph sends me away from the things I run from.

I hear about women that shimmer like the California sun.
About the ones that mystify the simple things, and cover us with poetry.
About little girls that traditions have them in a strangle hold.
About the friends that we lost. And the ones we gain.

The ground is fertile with hope for newer generations,
as others come and tell their stories, i sit, listen and wonder...
Why can't I sum up the courage and discipline?
What is it that prevents me from letting the words flow,
let the images paint themselves in a canvas...

I speak of nothing happy, nothing amusing.
I sing of things off-key, that really don't impress anyone.

I don't feel like competing,
my life is not that interesting
I have no voice to sing or speak.
No stories to tell,
but when I hear and read your words,
I forget that I can't do it,
what the world says I don't and can't,
and I sing, I draw, I write.
You help me come to this,
This is why I've shown you this.

Ventana

2008-02-08T19:02:00.000-05:00

Me siento en este cuarto,
viendo al mundo por la ventana,
escribiendo cosas al aire.
Se oye en el fondo algo animado,
mas no se ve nada.

Si fuese por mi, todo cesara
no soy yo quien controla esto.
Mi ventana brilla con todo tipo de cosas,
Cosas que llegan, me arropan, me abrazan.
Cosas que matan.

En el fondo... En el fondo no se que hago aqui.
Parece que estoy perdido.
Fuera de donde estoy,
se oye todavia ese murmullo.
De nuevo salgo, y no hay nada.

Me muevo: camino, corro y salto.
Pero nada pasa...

Me traiciona mi razon?
Me traicionan ya otras cosas.
En qué confió?
Ya el murmullo se va poco a poco.
Si regresa, bien; pero ya me canse.

Mi ventana brilla de nuevo,
las palabras me ahorcan, casi ni respiro.
No puedo salir ya. Me veo atascado,
se siente la arena movedisa
la tierra tragandome. No grito, me quedo inmutable.

Quizas sea mejor asi...

Ping!

2008-01-28T00:46:00.000-05:00

Ding! Someone answered when I personal messaged that person at work. Long time since I posted, almost a month. I have not been giving the priority I should to my journal, amongst other things. I keep getting involved in the lives of other people, and just forgetting that I have goals that I want to reach. All of the resolutions for new years involve me investing some time on them, and require some concentration, and TIME INVESTMENT on my part; even if it means partial social isolation.

I have to fight against my procrastination tendencies and also deal with the fact that people require attention. Acknowledging the fact that I have a life and plans can be difficult for some people; thus I end up putting myself after them, and being unhappy. I don't want that anymore. I want to end a year successfully and happy. I can't avoid problems, the only way through is handling each issue; but I can't keep sacrificing my plans at the whim of any of my friend, regardless of how much they have done for me in the past (or believe they have).

And yes, I finish yet another angry post.

Teaching an old dog new tricks

2007-12-26T22:37:00.000-05:00

The weather is nice tonight and my brothers decided to order pizza. I sat down and noticed that I received this God awful reply to an e-mail I sent to a friend earlier. The usual thing for me to do in this case is basically quote everything that is said on the e-mail and just make the sender look like an idiot, but this time, I decided to do something different. I called my brother so he could take a look at the message, we both agreed that the answer wasn't called for; so we sit down and have a talk. The fact that someone just went parliament on me and started making assumptions stroke me as rude, but his wise words were not to bother: if this is the treatment I get for helping out, then let it be and just forget about the whole thing. I don't know if he's right but I'm betting on him.

Some things are not worth the hassle. It is sad, but not inevitable. The interesting part is that I saw this coming, I behaved differently this time. I didn't assume responsibility, I didn't lower myself and started barking. I did what I wanted and had to do.

Human Behaviour

2007-12-13T23:05:00.000-05:00

The wind is cool tonight, a bit odd for Santo Domingo, we always get hot nights; then again it is winter. I'm still trying to shake off the creepy feeling of a bug walking over me while I was driving around with a friend. He said "it's just a roach." and I panicked more. I hate cockroaches. How can it be just a roach? Jeez, some people don't have any respect for the phobias of others. I wonder how I developed this sickly fear of roaches. I don't think it's that bad though. I have stepped on roaches (true, accidentally most of the times) and when other people show fear to roaches I wind up stepping up and killing them. I guess I'm not in a phobia class for roaches. I just hate the fact that there's something walking over me. As if I was some sort of forest or something. I don't want to be a prop on a Bjork video.

Morning List

2007-12-08T07:24:00.000-05:00

At 8 am everything feels so fuzzy. The lights don't let you open your eyes all the way, and you really don't want to wake up or get out of bed (if the two can be done separetely). Your head feels shaken, not stirred, as you try to sit up in bed and a list of the things you have to do today comes down from the sides. The digital age has its effects on you, since everything you have to do is now visualized in your head as a window you don't want to click the "close" button of, most of the time. You think twice about getting up, then again, that would mean staying in bed for longer and delaying everything you have to do; that can't be good.

The funny thing about days, at this time of your life, is that they seem to go by faster than when you were younger. You don't remember feeling as tired as you do when you wake up, and going out now means spending your own hard-earned money, which makes you wonder how much of a mess you would be if you were the heir of some product empire. The longing for a "daddy-card" and your very own trust fund come to mind. An interesting fact: this takes place parallel to you realizing that you do have to get up and running, life doesn't wait for anyone, although you always hope it would wait for you every now and then.

Circle

2007-12-05T20:58:00.000-05:00

Life lately, or whatever it stands for, as being a pretty mess for me. I've been returning from work and doing everything else I did the other day. The cycles are now showing up: wake up, shower, get dressed, work, eat, work, leave, return, and gym/vegetate. I have a lot of books to read and make use of, but this seems so much comfier. I always say to myself: "let me start today, but a little bit later". Procrastination rears its ugly head every weekday at 7pm.

The solitaire game on my pc looks mighty inviting. I wind up loosing 30 percent of the time, but I always try again and again, until I realize it's 12am and I'm only getting 7 hours of sleep; some people claim to do fine with 6 hours of sleep, maybe less. I need 8 hours, and that's it. I don't need naps or power naps for that matter, as long as I wake up feeling refreshed the next day.

A persons life can take that boring path. I wonder what I can do to avoid lingering in this state, and if I decide to let it take more time. I am not getting any younger.

Shatter Life

2007-11-28T20:09:00.000-05:00

Another thing I just wrote recently and I'm afraid my computer might kill:

Lucy wake up,
you have work to do.
The things you want won't get themselves...

Lucy come on,
we don't have all day,
The things you crave can go away...

it comes to mind,
in a certain day,
that nothing she wants
she gets this way.

We start to think,
every different way.
Time we lost,
we won't get again.

Destroy every idea
destroy every clue
leave this world behind
and make a new.

Try to match the pieces,
but they won't fit in.
realize you don't want this,
you want to leave.

SHATTER LIFE
TO WHAT YOU KNOW
LIVE SOMETHING ELSE
AND THEN LET GO.
SHATTER LIFE,
SHATTERED SOUL
GET TO GRIPS
AND THEN LET GO.

Lucy started to think again,
and nothing made sense.
Her luggage is near the door
if the times comes,
don't think she'll use it anymore.

Self contained Prince

2007-11-28T20:07:00.000-05:00

This is something I wrote a couple of days ago. I'm afraid of my computer pulling a fast one on me so, regardless of the fact that I need to edit it, I'll publish it.

As he lied in bed thinking of the things he said.
Excuses for self respect.
With no intention of showing the truth.
He lied in bed thinking to himself.
Guilty of having some notion of survival.

The stones hit hard,
as the blood ran down his forehead.
Center of attention, without it being his goal.
Looking for an exit, to live his life alone.

Trying to recover
The little pieces left behind.

Forgot his face,
forgot his name,
forgot his life.

Try to remember,
The little details he left behind.

No one understands it,
it's easier to blame than to give a hand.

He lied in bed thinking to himself:
Apologize to none,
one who does things right.
Apologizing for what he thought: guilt is just a fad.

Clear skies and rain

2007-10-20T01:45:00.000-04:00

After watching a movie today, I joined a friend for dinner. Somehow I wound up talking about Pauline, my friend who recently passed away, and honestly, this is the first time I talk how I feel with someone outside our circle of friends. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know if it was right. The truth is, how will I ever know when everything I do is right or wrong? There are some things that are obvious mistakes, as well as bull's eyes; but then there are some other things, which are open for debate. I realized that I might not have mourned my friend as I think or feel I should. I feel betrayed because no one has given me pictures of her and myself. I have nothing that I can share with everyone about how she was. The only proof I have of her is myself, and the memories I have of her. I think, that maybe, I might be too ambitious; but then again, is it bad for me to at least want something to have and keep that reminds me of her? But anyway, talking about this made me realize that avoiding that would only make me more miserable. My friend was telling me his stories, and he didn't have it easy in regards to the subject as well.

Life isn't all fun when you lose someone close to you. I feel like I'm repeating myself, and I do not feel comfortable going over an issue that has already been talked about. I have felt sad, lonely, anxious, and broken before; but I have always gotten up. I feel that I am not the only one that goes through this, and I refuse to be conquered by a mood. I once stated that my mood will not be affected by sounds, when dealing with vicious people at work. I still feel this way. I know a person, he wasn't the most normal person, in fact, the guy is downright unapproachable, but he did say that pain was only temporary; I don't think he knew how smart that was of him.

At first, weather was not fun tonight; it started raining before dinner, and afterwards, the skies were clear, and the drive home was nice and peaceful.

On the road again

2007-10-14T01:46:00.000-04:00

The purpose of the blog is once again inspiring me (along with "let go" from Frou Frou) to write some thoughts tonight. I'm still loving the idea of travelling and working, as stressful as third parties might make it. "Let go, because there's beauty in the breakdown" says the song to a trippie house beat. I like it because of that. My last entry was long, I wanted to get that feeling out of my chest, even though I want to write about it again, I feel I should leave it for talk amongst my friends. My room mate this time likes and is into music more than I am, which is great since this time we're planning to go to a Seether concert, hopefully it will be good. The experience from this trip from the start has not been what I expected: missing my connecting flight, staying over in Miami, and being close to a meltdown at work; but, I have a positive outlook. I will get my rest this weekend, and work the way I like to: having everything organized and ready. The more I live this year, helps me realize that this part of my life is all about acknowledging responsability, as a child I was used to people standing up for me, and now I have to do it myself; I get scared sometimes, but I do not allow myself to back down from a fight, this is experience for me. Human life transcends survival, I believe this; but it does not mean that we have to play doormat to others entrance to success. It is best if I leave this at the moment. I gave in and wrote, since I owed this to myself. I let go.

When a piece falls off the puzzle

2007-10-06T02:21:00.000-04:00

Throughout life, a human being is bound to interact with other living creatures. These interactions are the basis of human existence in itself, they let us survive the conditions that our habitat conveys. Interaction might not be the reason why we live, but it provides us with entertainment while on this journey; the same, as trivial as it may look through objective eyes, conceives society. Without human interaction, there would be no nations, no wars, no movement, no destruction, no development, no bigotry, etc. In other words, life as we know it would not be.

As a human being, living in this age, I find myself going through different sorts of interactions. The life style I have chosen, and the people that I share my time with, are key players in my mood. When placed on screen, it is evident that I am pointing out the obvious, but half my life, I lived in denial. I am a proud man, it does not bother me when I admit it, and it might be one fault that degenerates into many more. As a child and adult I think myself at times higher than the people that surround me, and admitting this might be silly because there is no gain to it, yet I do not hesitate to continue typing. But, as proud and hard headed as I am, there are moments when I decide to come down and have brunch with the mortals. The ivory tower I raised myself on to is nice, but it gets lonely. That is why I am so adamant in regards to making new friends and meeting different kinds of people. While interacting with many people, you get to know a lot of customs, and it helps you broaden your judgement spectrum, for better or worse. At the end, you find yourself surrounded with different people, from different places, sharing something with you that dismisses all sorts of disagreements that might come up in other scenarios.

The good interactions, are the ones you want to repeat; those that you want more of. When this happens we call it friendship. A friend to me is a person you feel you can rely on, and you do everything you can for them to rely on you. It's a mutual contract, binding you to keep secrets, lend a hand and/or shoulder when needed, and cheer from the sideline indefinitely. Because of these conditions, not everyone can sign up, most contracts are annulled, and as with any other legal documents there are those who will commit fraud, affecting their credit history.

It does not happen often, for some of us, that a friendship endures time, emotions, conflicts and interests. The few that do, are precious, and are kept safe. Unfortunately, as humans, at one point our journey must come to an end, yet the contract, does not regard this condition for annulment. The feeling that one part has to go through when this happen is terrible, and perhaps it is the price we pay for it. I do not regret, as much as I am paying now, that I signed up for it. I might not have to deposit as much as others, the fact is, that it does not really matter what the cost is, as long as you have it. This is not money, friendships can not be measured, grief can not be compared. I lost some one close to me this year, this is the means I have of grieving. She was cut short from a great trip that was just beginning, or maybe she started a much fruitful experience; at least I hope so. I am sad, I do not want to repeat myself, and yet I still do. The interesting thing is, that anyone that belongs to that circle we are in, has manifested in one way or the other the same grief I have. The difference being, that I have distracted myself, and avoided the issue. I saw myself as someone that had to be there for the others, even though most of the time, it was not necessary. I sometimes look at myself as being ignored, yet at the same time, I feel like I can do without the approval of whoever surrounds me. I think it helps me being this way, not answering to anyone, and just work to achieve what I want, even though no one wants to or sees me achieving it. The one thing she said, that still remains with me, is how she liked how I placed so much effort when I did something. Up until then, I had no need for someone to tell me how they felt; yet when she did, I was happy that someone noticed. Is it that after so much time expecting attention, I decided to forget it and to focus on myself and my approval? Have I taken a step forward, or a step back? Does it really matter? I payed her friendship with my selfishness; and I signed for it fully aware of what I was giving up.

I ignore what the effects of writing this are. I refuse to compare myself with others, and yet the thought of her fiance comes to mind, a few days before getting married and this happens; or her mother, who shared so much with her. Our friends, and the ones she had I did not meet. Is it camaraderie or just the need to compare my pain with others, so I cheer myself up. It failed so many times before, and being true to my taurian trait, I keep doing it.

I knew her, and yet I did not. She was human, she was imperfect. She had allergies, and was hyper active. We all miss her, and deny her being dead, by celebrating her life. Pauline, I don't know what to say, I thought that goodbye would be stupid, since we are all bound to meet afterwards, I hope that you are doing well, you deserve great things evidently, and for anyone to deny you that is ludicrous. Please, rest in peace.

This close

2007-05-13T19:09:00.000-04:00

We started the countdown to my birthday. The guys from work decided to take me to a strip joint to celebrate. It was a special ocassion, since the last time I got to a strip joint was at some sleazy club (ironic term for describing a strip joint) near the airport thing, and I've wanted to go to the 'gentlemans club' for a while and didn't find anyone to come with me, so the guys were happy to take me.

I was surprised to find only one pole, since I had this crazy picture in my head of the place being this magical strip club with three poles and women just basically sliding down to stage. But when we got there the place was empty (so we got in for free), and the girls were just getting there. Honestly, they were kinda bored, except for a couple which were really friendly (the kind of personality you expect from a stripper) and made for a good evening.

As it is tradition, the birthday boy gets some special service by the strippers (previously paid by his friends), and I was no exception. To be honest, I was expecting a lap dance, in fact, I should've been a bit specific about the lap dance. Instead of the lap dance, I had a different treatment, involving me getting down to my underpants and having the stripper ride me horsey style (me being in all fours, she on my back), and to end the show I get a belt whipping. That's one service I'm not paying for.

All and all, I had fun and I'm grateful for the experience. My veredict here is that strip clubs offer the tease only, and frankly, it's very frustrating having what you want in front of you and not being able to even touch it.

Good day!

El limitante

2007-04-21T22:25:00.000-04:00

Hoy quiero expresarme aqui. Quien hace de leer mis entradas al blog un habito sabe que lo que yo escribo no es tan ordinario como lo que se espera leer ni tan importante para terminar de leerlo.

Oyendo una cancion mientras estaba manejando, hablaba de que hoy era un dia ordinario, yo me quede con esa estrofa en la mente "just an ordinary day". Hay tal cosa como un dia ordinario? Quizas yo este tratando de negar lo obvio, tapar el sol con un dedo, pero encuentro que en mi vida ningun dia es ordinario. Siempre hay algo nuevo, lo que pasa es que si repetimos algo por una cantidad de tiempo indeterminada y consecutiva se vuelve una rutina. La rutina afecta nuestra percepcion, comenzamos a hacer las cosas en modo beta o automatico, debido a que todo lo que vemos en el proceso de la rutina esta presente. Debido a que la rutina tiende a tomar precedencia sobre otras actividades extra-ordinarias, no podemos apreciar el hecho de que si hacemos cosas en esos dias ordinarios que son nuevas para nosotros. Por ejemplo: la rutina laboral a la que la mayoría estamos acostumbrados, siempre decimos que hacemos lo mismo pero hay ciertas cosas nuevas, que a pesar de ser mínimos detalles, se integran a la rutina como elementos no programados, pero se descartan como nuevos al ser problemas/reuniones/entrenamientos a los cuales estamos acostumbrados a asistir. Por ende, son rutinas nuevas.

Asi es que veo todo eso de que los días no son ordinarios, siempre hay algo nuevo, quizas sea eso, el hecho de que lo nuevo esta de esperarse, que lo haga rutinario.

Why do I tend to wear black?

2007-02-19T00:38:00.000-05:00

This saturday I went to Boston for a look at the stand-up comedy scene with my friend from work. I visited the Comedy House, or thing, I don't remember the exact name but I know it included the word comedy and that it was on the third floor of the Honk Kong Restaurant building near the Harvard CoOp.

Good comedians there, and the host kept saying how smart the audience was.... Being located in the Harvard area, it provides entertainment to the students/professors of the same university... But, regardless, it kinda got a little bit tiring when it was mentioned for the third time. Besides, don't they know that tourism happens?

So after that we headed down to the restaurant and had dinner. Some really spicy dumplings, and as a main course a really spicy chicken. My choice of dishes was a bit off, since I picked two plates that were so damn spicy my lower lip was numb.

After barely exiting the restaurant we took a train back to the parking lot. As we were sitting down I noticed a group of three teenagers (two girls and a guy), and they ask us where the train was going. I think about the fact that I barely know how the whole public transportation thing works in Boston, so I let my friend answer. To make a long story short, they were going the wrong way, so out of gratitude (I think) one of the girls pulls a strip of condoms out of her bag and starts giving us condoms and telling us "be safe" then leaves. A brief shock-caused pause came, then I figured that if it was in NYC that we would be taking the train, much more would've happenned. So I made no issue out of the subject, until I got home.

So that was pretty much what happenned yesterday,

See you around.

The second time around

2007-02-16T18:14:00.000-05:00

Good day readers,

So after a bit of a hiatus I'm back with more posting. New things:

1. Got a camera, and it's so nice because now I'll be able to post more pictures. The only thing that's left is getting out there and getting stuff to write about.
2. I'm back in Massachusetts for another training session. Basically this is the reason why I created this blog. I've been here for 3 weeks now, I went snowboarding and visited Boston twice already (since I'm not in Boston but nearby).
3. First time experiencing the real driving on snowy streets. And it's pretty much taking one step at a time, etc, etc. Not something to feel overwhelmed about.

So that's about it. And of course, the pictures.

This one is my V-day pic. Not fond of the day

'Till next time.

2007, borrón y cuenta nueva?

2007-01-08T21:08:00.000-05:00

Hey lectores,

Tengo bastante tiempo sin escribir mis entradas sín sentido y alternadas con mi humor al azar. Nadie entiende eso pero me hace feliz. Este año empiezo con un poco de drama, pero yo creo que lo mejor es ignorar eso y ya seguir con la vida. Aunque hoy como que quiero reencontrarme con mucha gente que no veo; hay gente que no fueron lo mejor en cuanto amigos se trata, pero después de todo estuvieron ahí y me entretuve mucho, así que pienso que es buena idea si me olvido de todo eso. Empezar de nuevo no es una opción. Ya, lamentándolo mucho, las cosas que me hacen y que me duelen no se me olvidan. Lo peor es cuando alguien trata de trivializar tu dolor, como no es el suyo no es tan serio. Por eso es mejor admitir cuando uno metió la pata y seguir adelante; yo no le pido a nadie que aguante una letanía eterna conmigo, por que puede que pase eso. Así que así empiezo yo el año, tomando el mentiole de la humildad y untándomelo donde tengo las yagas.

Despues de todo son veinticuatro años que tengo, no puedo estar acarreando cosas de mi adolescencia todavía, ni tampoco de la universidad.

Laugh it up

2006-10-07T16:35:00.000-04:00

So let us say that I start coming up with random sentences and putting them together, regardless of what they're sense. I like cheesecake, but not the traditional one, I think that there's one made of "dulce de leche" that you can only get in Santo Domingo, that's DAMN good. So with the idea in my head I just start writing to work out my hand muscles, just because I feel like it. Note to self: Make sure to clean room and organize this months hate mail schedule. All and all, I don't think anyone will mind me doing this, since it's been 7 months since I started this and no one feels like writing one single comment. I wonder what will happen next month. But, if I think about it, I don't write for people to come and read, obviously, if that was my intention in the first place I would've posted more interesting things and stop bitching about everything that comes to mind. I don't like Goldfrapp so much, but their work is good. Every now and then I start to review everything I have posted so far and it's pretty personal stuff; and all of the music I listen to, which is diverse, and my sense of humor, and how I feel about the world, all of those things are pretty much like this brick wall that I made. Awkward. Not to mention the fact that I sometimes think that everyone wants to avoid me. If life gives you lemons, make bad lemonade give it to life and say: "I don't make lemonade, give me what I want". The blog is pretty much how I deal with those things. Now, where was I? I don't want to be an outsider, but that's just the way I've been living.

I believe that anyone who wants to do something has the power to do so. I have people that are close to me who want to believe otherwise, like in high school I wanted to study in Japan and I ask my then closest friend, and all she said was that no one can learn Japanese in one year. Sadly, I was naive enough to believe her. That person later turned out to be a self centered, back stabbing jackass, who's recently getting married. So now I sit in front of my computer and start letting that one out of my head, releasing that demon from my past. Does it sound like I'm exaggerating? If that's so, then how come I kept thinking about that for so long. It's not the comment that hurts, it's who said it. You expect a friend to stick by your side and as you stand up for them, for them to stand up for you. But, regardless, of the many times I've been put down, and made feel like I'm not worth living, I get up, and clean the blood off my mouth; and just laugh it up. One of the things I'm grateful about my personality is that I'm hard-headed; I don't generalize. Someone did something bad to me, but there's always hope in the next person, even though there's mistrust, I don't feel like judging anyone.

No one has that power.

I'm still alive

2006-09-22T23:02:00.000-04:00

Yeah. More than 3 months since I last posted. Jesus! Can you believe that? Have I been busy? Or maybe just afraid to let those feelings out? Hmm... Let's leave catharsis for another post. That done, let's talk about some trivial things like the fact that my discussion group "muchtosayaboutnothing" (feel free to visit) had it's first engagement since it was made. That makes me so happy. And it was provoked by the least expected comment.

The last couple of months have been fun. But now I want to take pics and post them. I'll be sure to do some stuff more often than not. Even though no one visits (like in real life) I don't care.

That's it for now, wait for my other posts coming soon.

And into the gates he walks

2006-05-24T23:05:00.000-04:00

As he turned away from the crowd, a cold chill ran through his spine. The setting sun over the skyline reminded him of where he wanted to be, at the same time, a look down the paved floor reminded him of where he was.

The last time he had fun was long ago. Not the fun people want you to have, the kind of pleasure that comes with a string attached. One end, pleasure; the other, remorse. This is not what he wanted, this is not what he looked for. As further away he was, the chill seemed to dim. He followed her into the crowd, into the noise, the chaos; and he admitted enjoying it for a while, then, that hung over feeling. That chill, that guilt, that feeling of waste. She, the temptress, the one he thought was pure; the one that took away what he gave. Nevertheless, an easy treat.

He didn't care for her now. She could stay in her heaven, while he ran away from his hell.

When the chaos engulfed the city, the crowd turned into a monster. The tentacles didn't come close, even at his slow pace. Cool headed, he kept walking where he felt like he needed to. Turning where he felt like, jumping the fences he saw on his way. If he fell, he would get up. He didn't care, better things were ahead. As the monster lurked, wanting to catch what it let go, it transformed into the temptress. She sang, moaned and cried for him. He didn't answer, he didn't care. No matter how fast the monster, the temptress, the crowd, chased; he would go faster, but it seemed that as fast as he went, he was very calm, cool and walking.

He knew that this is about him, it's always been.

<<<

Hope anyone that reads this likes it, this came from just sitting in front of the computer at a regular workday, just letting whatever I thought of out. I admit, I don't post the most interesting things. In fact, this is pretty much my records so I don't expect anyone to like it. Except for this though. I actually would like to get some input on this.

I noticed that other blogs are giving their share of information to others. I didn't intentionally think about it, I just felt like tonight I should post something that was public friendly; and by all means if it's not then let me know.

But posting this first part was cathartic, which is one of the advantages of having a blog: Letting those bits of information out.
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The Birthday that never was

2006-05-21T17:16:00.000-04:00

So, may the 19th passed... And what a glorious day. I went to the dentist, and took care of some other medical visits afterwards. I was scheduled to meet with friends and co-workers at some place but nobody showed up. Like always something happenned to everyone, at a global level. What's funny is that few called or left text messages.

I think I'm doing something wrong socially. That's the only explanation. I showed up late, because I was elsewhere hanging out with other people too, so that's why I'm not feeling resentful about what didn't happen.

But hell who cares! I returned home and hung out with my brother. I ordered sushi and we took pics.

I have to admit the year of the van has been one full of lessons. I don't like aging, in fact ever since I realized that I didn't get second chances, when I was 8 years old, every birthday seems to be a reminder that my time is limited. But it's not like I can help it. I can't turn back time, neither can I literally relive those years. Mind my philosophical interlude, but: if I was to wake up tomorrow, and begin from 5 years of age, I'd have a lot of information in my head. Then my whole childhood would lose it's meaning. It would give me an important advantage in life, but then again, somethings are not suppossed to be tampered with, like the delicate balance of life, whatever the hell that is.

So there goes my dream of redoing everything better. It's a stupid dream. I can't think of redoing stuff, I have to focus on doing stuff the right way. I will admit something, in peril of people taking advantage of this, when someone wants to redo their life, it's because they're not happy of how they have lived it. And I'm not happy. I've lost a lot of chances, but it doesn't mean I don't get to choose how I live the rest of my life. The only way to make things better, is to share what I know with others, not an easy task, but a possible one.

Hey everything that is worth while is difficult. That's why they refer to it as: worth while.

At the end, the fact that no one joined me in my get together doesn't bother me. The last year was a good one, and left me with a good amount of experience for not making the same mistakes again, and preventing future mishaps from coming to. And I'm happy with that.

Prueba y Error

2006-05-14T23:27:00.000-04:00

Este es un metodo cientifico, en el cual se verifica la eficacia de una teoria. Determinando donde falla, y donde brilla. Tambien la gente lo usa como principio intrinseco de desarrollo social. O sea que, si fulano mete la pata una vez, siendo fulano una persona con este tipo de principios, no vuelve a meter la pata de nuevo.

Poco a poco, si uno sigue este tipo de principio, se da cuenta que siempre habrá una segunda vez para cometer el mismo error. Y que nadie pasa su vida en una existencia perfecta; quien dice eso es un puro baboso y que se deje de cosas que nadie se lo esta creyendo. Freco.

Virginal Delights

2006-05-07T01:08:00.000-04:00

Since my last post turned out to be more socio-political than planned I come with a white flag and something that I enjoy every now and then:

It is of popular knowledge that ignorance is bliss. When you don't know what you're missing, you don't miss it at all. The things that are outside of our field of knowledge, the most part, don't affect us. A person we know can win a million dollars at this moment just because he said hi to his mother on tv and because we don't know about it nor have heard of it we don't care.

Well it's not like that with sex. We might be virgins but since the media is so into letting us know about sex, it's very difficult to avoid the information bombarded at us. That, and the whole puberty thing.

I happen to enjoy the ignorance of being a virgin, and frankly I'm afraid of the consequences that having sex might have now that I know what I have. The teenage giggling, everytime I hear something that is sex related, the word association with anything that has to do with the sex act. Those things make me laugh. And it's not the awkward shy giggle, oh no, that, my friends, has evolved into a mockery laughter. I'm not saying that I don't want to engage in those acts, but at this moment I know that I'll miss this stage in my life. After loosing my virginity, nothing will be the same. Then there'll be a need for sex, and everything I laugh at now will seem childish... So that sucks. Add to that, the insecurity of insatisfaction (what if she didn't like it? what if it ended too soon?). And what's the whole profit of having sex? I look at it as a means of reproducing myself, that's it. Maybe that will also change when I do it.

Whatever, for now I'll keep on giggling and laughing at the simple things like, thongs, panties, bras, cupping a field by association, viagra, female viagra, non-lethal venereal diseases, and whatever embarassing fact someone might throw in the air.

So have sex, enjoy it. Just don't mention anything about it in front of me, because I'll be making really immature comments that might make you feel uncomfortable. Like you don't make people make feel uncomfortable other people when you give all those details about your "nights of passion".

RETRO BIATCH

2006-05-07T00:57:00.000-04:00

My peeps,

I here declare my most sincere rejection to the retro movement. As if it wasn't enough that we have to struggle with our present to see if there's a good possibility to succeed in the future, there are some people that refuse to let go of their "good times" and stagnate in their "golden era". The media is contaminated with retro junkies, and it's not fun anymore. Everyone wants to go back to the 60's, 70's, 80's and/or 90's. What the hell is wrong here?!

The funny thing is that this cultural retrospective movement might be OK if people were actually doing such a retrospective of what they lived in those times, but sadly, that's not the case for most countries. Back in the 1960's my country was amidst political chaos, we just ended a 30 year dictatorship that set us back democratically to the dark ages; the civil conflicts were pretty much a day-to-day reality. Politically unstable, the Dominican Republic was not your groove fest central. Hell no! Revolutions here and there, and politicians trying to grasp power and do whatever they wanted with the country. Some good others (most) bad. Another thing was that the Dominican Republic wasn't entoxicated with pop culture at those times and it was easier to identify our culture. People spoke one language at a time, not that spanglish crap we have to put up nowadays thanks to the people that are too stupid to learn one language correctly and then go to another one. In the 70's the political atmosphere was starting to get little by little more calm, although it wasn't what it was suppossed to be according to the people that killed the dictator. Corruption in our government, if I was to pin point its start, it would be at the late 60's when Juan Bosch and the country fell victim to a coup d'état thanks to the church (and nasty rumors about communism) and the militia (who were upset because of the merit promotions). So why isn't that remembered?

In the 1980's we had "democracy"... No we didn't. We first had one of the most corrupt governments to date, and after that an old decrepit idiot running a country because he was in an ego trip. Some people took advantage of that, which are/were also idiots. That same government was in charge (12 years) of governing the country for half of the 1990s; after that, there was a little bit more of democracy, due to international prssure mostly (no investors, no money). So then we had someone that actually seemed to want to run the country. But from what it seems he wants to turn the country into a mini US... How lovely. Why not become a better DR? Why not come up with our own organic system? Now in the beginning of a new century the people voted, and they picked the stupidest, most ludicrous candidate to run the country to this day; he basically traveled the country and told every investor that he could that the country was not a good place to invest (thanks jackass); what the other 2 year government cleaned (corruption wise) was again sollied by him and his cronies. So now the guy that was elected in the late 1990s is back again, hopefully things will be looking up, since the last government destroyed the economy with unnecessary loans ("hey, who wants a new helicopter?!!") and unsavory delegates.

So why not remember that we're babies when it comes to democracy? Why not rejoice in what made the country what it was in the last half of the last century? Why try to lie to ourselves doing retro parties that are not really retro? Maybe the country has low self steem... And that might be a reality we all have to recognize.

11 dias

2006-04-21T13:18:00.000-04:00

Ya hacen 11 días de mi última entrada.
11 días que pasaron igual que otros antes que ellos,
igual que otros que vendrán.

No son tantos, pero si uno se lleva de eso termina postergando.
Postergar no es bueno, la vida humana es corta,
es mejor hacer las cosas cuando se puede.

Si se puede, uno debe hacer algo que lo entretenga.
Quede claro que cuando se puede es que no cause daño considerable.

Considerar es apreciar que el projimo esta vivo.
Aunque realmente, eso es una de las cosas que uno no puede exagerar.
Cualquier vivo te toma por pendejo, por ser demasiado considerado.

Mind Games and the Psychotic Siblings

2006-04-10T13:29:00.002-04:00

Does anyone relate to the following:
In a family of three or more children there's a good chance that their might be one that's a bit off. It doesn't matter if him/her is the middle, eldest or youngest child, their will be one of those children that's going to have some weird personality trait that will make him/her worthy of the psycho-kid / weird-little girl/boy / black lamb label. From my experience as a middle child (third of four) and from stories I've heard from friends, co-workers and total strangers I've come up with a list of different personalities or personal tags that might be found in those little "angels" that bring us headaches and social embarassment:

1. The Ego-centric: typical to a weird kid is the need for attention, so much so that they will go to all types of things, regardless of their age, to get the attention of the people that surround them. This is the key behavior in the problem child, that desire to get your attention. They don't care if they steal their siblings thunder, and they don't really care of the consequences, as long as they get those 15 minutes they're good for the day. They stop at nothing, with utter disregard for their close ones social/work/love life; they demand attention and they want it now. If someone should desire to get back at them, the silent treatment always work (whether they're adults or not). In today's society we know these folks as dramatic royalty.

2. The Oedipus: here's the kid that cannot take themselves away from their opposite sex parental figure. They're extremely jealous and won't let their other siblings interfere in the special "bond" they've made with that figure. These are usually your daddy's girl, which eventually turns out to be slutty, or your mamas boy who turns out to be a codependent crybaby.

3. The brat: this one is a personal favorite, because at one time I was in danger of becoming one. The brat gets created when there is too much favoritism and lies between the parents and one particular child. They get accustomed to getting everything they set their eyes at, so it makes for a cocky adult, who thinks he/she can get away with everything since they don't really know what losing is like. People love making the brat lose at competitive games, and then humiliate them; I personally love just humiliating a brat at social events where it is too obvious for them to deny what happened, and their egos get a cruel beating from reality. Why am I so good at that? Remember "know thy enemy".

4. The Egoist: This one resembles the brat, but should not be confused with him/her. The brat gets what he wants whether it is physical or abstract, or else he/she throws a fit. The egoist wants everything for him/herself and will not share it with anyone, and if he/she likes something you have, he/she will take it from you and claim it as his/her own. The egoist is a real dick/bitch, as they will sometimes present themselves as normal children until they see something they want and won't share. You know the type, when during lunch break that little idiot didn't share M&M's, but had the never to ask for your homework (and God forbid you would deny him/her of that).

So there you have it, a compilation of the black lambs I managed to gather from personal experience. If you can relate to any of these personalities I suggest you get some help, if you feel like they resemble a close member of your family, a friend or foe, procede with extreme caution and remember to be the bigger person. If dealing with a child remember to be patient and condescending, they really hate it when they look stupid.

Lost and Outspoken

2006-04-10T01:18:00.000-04:00

After the completion of my first week since returning from my training abroad I've experienced a couple of things that are worth posting here. And without further delays here they are:

1. I've gotten sick of some people that expect me to do stuff for them while they don't do the same for me; so much that some of the things I've said to them this week were brutally honest, and I know now that they might not want to speak to me. I could really care less, how should I be speaking to people that felt bad because I got a good job?
2. While in the U. S. I stopped at a Wal-Mart and picked up a 1 liter water bottle because I needed something like that for working out. On tuesday night I returned from the gym and left this water bottle on top of my kitchen counter. On wednesday after returning from work I decided to head to the gym; while looking for my water bottle I noticed that it wasn't where I left it, nobody saw anything. Saturday I spoke with the cleaning lady and she told me that it was there on wednesday when she left (she usually leaves around 5pm); which is good because that confirmed that I brought it home. Long story short, this experience has made me feel like I can't have my own stuff around my house because if I do, and someone likes it, it will suddenly dissappear and I won't see it again. And you know what? Apparently I deserve it for working my ass off and getting stuff I like. The worst part of this is the bit of hope that I have of finding it at home, which is driving me freaking bonkers.
3. After noticing my outspokeness I've apologized to some people that hugely (strangely) misinterpreted some of my comments. The apology stops there though, as it may happen that they could expect explanations for my behaviour at the moment, when there's no need for me to share that with them, or anyone else, because it is clearly no one elses business.

That's pretty much it, so much for my return experience.

Down that path

2006-04-05T23:36:00.000-04:00

Most people like gossip, it's basically fun (embarassing) facts about people you know of. I used to find it amusing, a couple of years back in college, not anymore. What changed my mind? Gossip is basically a rumor that gets incredibly exagerated with every person that tells it, there is a great disregard for the people who're being gossiped about and most importantly, when you start gossip about other people it just means that you're basically jealous of them or they're not giving you the attention you want. People that enjoy gossip are, well, they're pretty damn bored with life. I'm taking the freedom here of generalizing because it is true. There lives are hollow and they look to fill that emptiness with other peoples misery. It's pathetic. Recently I was offered to start joining a e-group that basically does that, and to be honest: "Once bitten, two times shy". It's not funny when you get to know who you're talking about and what really happenned. I just want people to consider this when they hear a rumor about someone that is basically the product of petty jealousy.

Espejito, espejito

2006-04-05T09:30:00.000-04:00

Ya regrese.

Muy bueno estar de vuelta en mi país. Ya empeze a trabajar el lunes. El ambiente de trabajo es diferente, uno solo se puede acordar de las clases de administracion en las lecciones que te enseñaban como administrar a culturas diferentes. Cuando uno esta fuera es bueno ponerse a observar un buen tiempo como tus homologos actuan y adaptarse a la cultura. Yo no soy del tipo de gente que se olvida de donde viene, pero tampoco yo tengo que convertir una cultura diferente en la mía. Así mismo no quiero que mi cultura se transforme en una ajena, aunque por ubicación geográfica la República Dominicana esta fuertemente influenciada por todos los países, y como nosotros no tenemos que ver con procedencia (aunque sea la gente que yo conozco) tomamos lo que queremos; muy a la romana.

La experiencia de viajar es buena, te abre la mente y te da otro punto de vista sobre la vida. A mi me hizo apreciar más de donde vengo, y al mismo tiempo a quillarme un poco con la manera en que nosotros manejamos las cosas aquí. El problema más grande que yo veo aquí es la falta de respeto al consumidor y la pérdida de los valores morales que hacen del país un buen sitio para hacer una familia.

Al final, la familia es el cimiento de nuestra sociedad, y cada uno de nosotros somos el cemento de ese cimiento. De como sea nuestra sociedad depende de como nosotros nos concebimos; si creemos que nuestro esfuerzo no vale nada, no vale nada. Ahora si nos ponemos a pelear por que nuestro esfuerzo se valore, así mismo se va a valorar. Despues de todo, "quién no grita, no mama".

Palitos Chinos

2006-03-28T10:11:00.000-05:00

Hoy es martes, ayer fui a comer a un restauran japones llamado Takumi, muy interesante. No comi sushi, comi habashi (creo que ese es el nombre); el "habashi" se cocina, y la mayoria de las recetas del restaurante tenian carne roja. Lo interesante de este restaurante, y de esa parte del restaurante, es que el cocinero hace tambien de anfitrion y entretenimiento, comienza a hacer trucos con la comida y a tirarte cubitos de pepino para que te caiga en la boca, a mí por ejemplo me tiro 4 cubitos de los cuales el ultimo fue el que entro en mi boca. Como es japones el restaurante, los palitos de bambu estaban ahi; pase trabajo tratando de manejar los palitos, raro, por que como yo como TANTO con palitos deberia estar ya como los tigueres de las peliculas cazando moscas (aunque eso es medio asqueroso).

Ya pasando a otro tema, es lamentable el hecho que no ligue nada en este viaje. Aunque para mi sorpresa he llamado la atencion de par de mujeres que para rematar estaban buenas. He pariguayado en este viaje? NO, yo me la busque, una estaba casada asi que esa la descalifique de una vez y lo buena que estaba la desgraciada, la otra no me ha mandado ni un misero e-mail despues que salimos... Que vaina! El departamento de relaciones publicas esta bien, pero el de operaciones parece que esta deficiente. Pero, mejor es saber que diantre es que le esta pasando a uno que estar en una constante negación.

Ahora estoy en preparadera de maletas, y coordinando como me voy a hacer para regresar. Me preocupa el periodo de adaptación, la oficina de aquí comparada con la de Santo Domingo es bastante diferente; aunque si voy a estar trabajando con mi grupo en un area aislada no debería de haber ningun problema. Por otro lado lo de la coordinación de mi transporte me preocupa también, me imagino que va a ser todo un proceso como en mi ultimo trabajo (ojala que menos dramatico por que estoy demasiado viejo para ver ese tipo de presentaciones fuera de escenario).

Pero ni modo, se vive y se aprende.

Survivalism at the perfume aisle

2006-03-26T22:04:00.000-05:00

Saturday, I went to Macy's to get some gifts I plan to give when I return. After promptly acquiring what my mother subtly suggested as her gift (I missed her birthday because of this trip), a nice perfume, I started to look for my work mate at the store. That day I wasn't feeling very good, in fact I was kind of paranoid over nothing. I don't know if anyone of you have visited a department store that has a team of viscious sales women in a certain section of the perfume aisle, but if you have you probably have had this experience: while hastely looking for my co-worker (he had the car keys and even though he wouldn't leave without me, I can't take chances) I made the little mistake of walking through that aisle, and as if I was a zebra strolling through a pack of lions I was "attacked". I want to say that because of my mood I actually reacted in a way that I shouldn't have, but it's bothersome to try to walk through a 10 feet aisle and be offered a whiff of a random essence. I know they didn't mean wrong, they were really decent considering the idea of other kind of sales people that just spray the thing all over you. It's really funny, and I'm laughing my ass off, since the first thing to come to mind when they asked "Cologne" was "no. Mace?". But hell I got what I wanted, so much for my last weekend for this trip.

Today I visited Boston, I rode the subway train "T"; it was clean, and at the same time old. I walked around the aquarium of New Englands surroundings, and it was nice. Afterwards I dined at "Legal Seafood", a restaurant facing the marina. Good food there, but the prices were not very forgiving. Service was nice, at least the kid who waited my table was being decent. Of course when compared with the crappy service of Texas BBQ from Washington Heights (Manhattan, NYC), saying "please" and "thank you" feel like the royal treatment.

So that's the story for this weekend, right now I have to start setting up my baggage layout and the schedule for the next two weeks; this experience has been fun, but I know I haven't taking advantage completely of it, in terms of how much fun I can have.

The thin one

2006-03-24T23:04:00.000-05:00

I was walking around last weekend in one of those big department stores that you find scattered throughout malls accross the U. S., while visiting the audio section I couldn't help to eaves drop on a conversation between a man and his son. They were talking about an ipod, the same item we hear mentioned over and over again. The leading mp3 player in the market. Here's what I remember from that:
- Don't you have one of those at home.
- Yeah! But I want the thin one dad!
- But aren't they the same thing?
- Yeah! But everybody has this one!!

After listening to this most interesting conversation I deduced that the little kid got away with his plan and made his father buy him the slim ipod, the thin one. I was a bit surprised, not much though. I remember my childhood, and the way I looked at things. If I wanted something, I wanted it because it appealed to me. Nobody had to have it, I just wanted it. Although I didn't get it most of the time. Which I think affected my grades, since I thought that with good grades my parents could buy me the world. I don't think that it is a generational or cultural thing. The "I want what they have" attitude is something that comes with your personality. I'm not very fond of people like that. What happens when they're alone? How do they know what they want? Do they not eat or do anything that has to do with choices? What is worse is the fact that these people think that they shouldn't change at all. And what happens when they like something that nobody else does? Do they sacrifice their preference for social acceptance? The more I think about this, the more I feel like I'm describing someone with a bipolar disorder or at least a possible cause of that. Is this right?

On the other hand, I stand. I always liked to follow my own wishes. If people wanted me to fight, I didn't, I would rather do what I wanted. The few times I fell victim to peer pressure it felt like the biggest shame. I knew that if I did what I wanted I would have gotten what I wanted.

That's basically what I understand now. And it's funny how I knew something that some people take so much time to learn. When you go through your teenage years, I don't know yet if it's because of the hormones, external influence, or whatever the reason is, you lose confidence. Not necessarily permanently, but there is a loss; because we start to understand the losses that we can suffer when we do the things we used to do freely as children. We get "social awareness", at least most of us. When I talk about social awareness I address the fear of doing something that others might not like.

At the end, I think that not caring about what people say in most situations is healthy. The most sweetest victories are the surprising ones. The truth is that nobody should sacrifice their prerogative easily. In the old days people didn't know the power of their choice, right now we still don't know what we are able to do, undo or redo. So ask yourself this: Do I want to cut off my happiness and make others happy? or do I want to do what I want and not expect anything in return?

Reality TV, is it worth your time?

2006-03-23T00:08:00.000-05:00

It's kind of nice, it's kind of boring; you admit you like it, but you can't help but feel a bit of guilt admitting it. Am I catching up with the reality tv trend? It is sad, but it is true. At first I started with one, then another and before I knew it, I saw myself glued to the Apprentice. I haven't gone to the point of watching survivor, and God forbid, but I really wanted to stop now. I confess that there are some commonalities between some of the contestants and I, which is why I find them so interesting. I'm not surprised, I like it when I see something familiar, at the same time I like it when something is different. It's a delicately complicated balance, difficult to explain but the reason why I don't watch most movies or shows because their "stupid" or "boring", and by "stupid" I mean that they don't make any sense to me because I don't identify with them, and by "boring" I mean that they don't offer anything new.

I like stand up comedy, I'd like to one day perform stand-up and/or improv; I like cartoons, because I like visual arts and animation, specially the really rare ones; and I like teamwork and the idea of having a successful business, which is something new to me since I've never worked in teams successfully. So that's what you can sell to me as an expectator or even as a hopeful contestant.

So is it worth my time? Reality TV is a "new" product (not so new because the first reality tv show was mtv's real world back in the early nineties) and producers are trying to sell them so desperately that it might be worth my time. But after looking at everything through my perspective, I would say that it has been worth it. It was denial, but now is catharsis. Now I have to figure out what to write about next.

Summarizin'

2006-03-22T09:16:00.000-05:00

With less than two weeks left until my return, I have a few things to look forward to; going to the gym regularly is one of them. I have gained a lot of fat in the last few weeks, due to the increment in eating. At the same time I've slowed down my excersize, last week for instance, I didn't work out at all. My flexibility must be really low and my resistance must be on the floor. I hope that when I return I commit once more to an exercise regimen and a healthy lifestyle changing diet; I'm not going to achieve my goals if I don't change the way I eat. There's a lot of loose ends I need to tie once I return, and with my birthday rearing its head it would be great to have all those things resolved so I can have a nice get together with my close ones at a nice location. I'd love to go to a theme park and scream the day away in roller costers, but that would take a lot of money and coordination. I can't expect all of my friends to join me, although some I'd prefer to stay, since meaning well is not the same thing as wanting to be there. I hang out with all sorts of people, so some of them don't like rushes, that doesn't mean I stop liking them, just that I won't stand their whining about not doing something when I'm doing it, AND I won't even mention how irritated I get when someone tries to convince not to do something because they don't want to. But hey, that's me, and that is what I have to live with for choosing to make friends with people that have different backgrounds.

March 17 2005

2006-03-19T23:57:00.000-05:00

This post is originally from the date of the title, just that I couldn't post it then for some weird reason that doesn't matter.

So today marks my last day in the Milwaukee training experience; and if I could describe the whole process in one word I would call it: Exhausting. Trying to cram such a vast amount of information in such little time is possible, but the retainability factor is very low. Although the training basically consist on how to look stuff up in catalogs, I don't think I'll remember everything that I was taught. I got an 80 out of 100 in the final exam, which is not what I was aiming for; but when you got the time on your back and with my perfectionist personality (which paid off, since what I answered without guessing was absolutely right), 80 seems like a 100. To be honest I didn't study, and why would I? The whole thing was about looking stuff up, it's like using a dictionary; only if I needed to memorize everything, and that's just plain stupid, I would've studied. I met some people, which I think I won't see any time soon, or again. My first experience mingling with distributors (the other people taking the crash course) was ok; they're all, in a way, alike. They're sales people, so they travel most of the year, most are avid drinkers, and I noticed that getting wasted while in a strange location came easily to them. I can't do that, getting drunk has no sort of positive retribution for me and it messes up my vocal chords (hey I don't know if I'm a good singer yet).

So that's my experience from Milwaukee, the brewery tour I was in after the whole class was pretty interesting, I learned how to gamble. HIT ME !!!

Cheese and beer

2006-03-13T23:56:00.000-05:00

So now, I'm in Milwaukee and I leave on friday. I don't get to do a lot of sight seeing, since the training session is pretty intense and occupies all of my time. But I can't complain, I get my own room and I'm meeting new people which I will probably never talk to after this week.

Other than that it's been pretty fun. Although I'm afraid I might fall asleep due to the lack of sleep (I'm going to sleep after 12am and waking up at 5:45ish), and most presentations aren't that useful to me.

So much for this post, I don't like the cheese here, and the beer isn't what I thought it would be. So much for the beer and cheese state.

Saturday Night Hair

2006-03-11T23:50:00.000-05:00

Today, saturday, I pretty much didn't do much. I'll tell you this, today was yet another bad hair day; and I have to confess how my bad hair days start: first there's the washing, when everything seems to be OK no problems what so ever and ready to either towel dry, gel, and even on those very vain days I might be able to blow dry my hair (not such a good idea). So then, after I wash my hair I comb it to get an idea what I can look like today; I start with something totally different and that might pass off as hip, but then I get (ironically) bored or it looks too stupid so I decide to go with my usual hair do, which depends on my hair length.

After I've gone through that whole process I towel dry my hair and basically just f**k up everything that I did. Why? Because I have to do it again but with semi dry hair; this results in complete dissatisfaction since it's physically impossible to set up my hair wet, semi dry or completely dry. After I realize I can't do anything the hair is way too dry, so I let it go. But this is only one instance, worse cases come when I let my hair dry with the breeze, which results in the volumization of my hair. By the end of the day it looks like an aspiring afro.

This is officially the most shallow post I've made so far here, maybe the first of many. But who cares, if you haven't lost interest at this point you probably saw something familiar, because everyone has bad hair days, I just have a bad hair life.

Hey but not all is bad hair days, with this message there's a photo of me from my visit to MIT.

Look, look, it's the MIT CoOp. To be honest, it's not fun to go by myself. I miss my friends, but I love the whole experience. I'm grateful!

Hooters and Sushi

2006-03-09T19:54:00.000-05:00

Long time since I posted; very long time, blog wise. So here's what I've done:

1. Went to hooters, saw mildly cute chicks in short shorts and tank tops; and your blue collar types. The food wasn't that great, but the ladies made the effort to keep everyone happy so you gotta give them credit for that.
2. Last weekend went to a tropical dance club/school, now I can say that I danced salsa in Cambridge. I got lost in the way, but hell I had fun and it was worth it.
3. Went to New York City the next day or was it the same day; it was fun, I ate lunch at a Chinese/Dominican restaurant. General Tso chicken and yellow plantains are a good combination.
4. That night I went for dinner at a restaurant called Texas BBQ with my cousin and his wife, that restaurant was a total nightmare, the service was RUDE, they got me the wrong drink, my steak wasn't cut correctly and to just ruin the whole evening to its maximum extent they were practically kicking us out of the restaurant.... I really didn't get that stupid move, if you don't want to serve anyone, close your bloody kitchen like the rest of the decent places. I encourage people not to visit any of their locations.
5. That sunday I visited NYC by myself, I like to call that scouting (which I think is the term I'm suppossed to use). It's really fun, and in my experience (I've gone out with whiny, hard headed people, and that has affected my travel preferences) it's the best way to do it. The city is not that dangerous if you're smart enough. I had lunch at a little sushi restaurant at the Tribeca area called Shinjuku 2, it was really fun I kept taking pictures of everything and the staff there (3 people) were probably making fun of that, but hell who gives a fuck! I'm still waiting for those pics though.

6. Later on I went to Madame Tussauds museum and saw all the statuettes, which sometimes were pretty accurate, other times they didn't resemble the celebrity they attempted to.

So there you have it, fun weekend (despite that stupid restaurant). I miss my friends and family back home; but I don't regret being here. So far so good!

The cluttered cupboard

2006-02-23T23:23:00.000-05:00

The people that chat with me through MS mess may have noticed that I often use my nick quoting some "cluttered cupboard" title. Truth being told, there is no book named the "Jorge and the Cluttered Cupboard". In fact, there might be a chance that I start writing about some of the things that happen to me in real life, and with the aid of fiction (lots of it) I could make it a readable compedium of some of my experiences. In a way the cluttered cupboard represents that amazing amount of ideas that I have, the ones that just keep popping into my head, the ones that make me write for about 2 straight hours in front of my computer just to erase a whole file of 20 pages of pure creativeness, just because I got derailed from the main objective.

So my head is the cluttered cupboard, at least sometimes.... I manage to find it in me to grab a ladder and climb up to the cupboard and start organizing things. At the end of the day it is satisfying looking at it and realizing that everything for this few minutes is neatly organized and even noticing that there is still some space left is great.

Later on, I know I'll fill it up again; but it's my cupboard, and as long as I take the time to organize it frequently I should not find it difficult to go on with the rest of the house.

But the cupboard, that's mine.

Mango Lassi

2006-02-23T14:18:00.000-05:00

By the way, that's the name of an Indian drink (non alcoholic). I like it, it's pretty good and I think it's best to drink it either from 10am to 11:30am as a pre lunch shake or from 4pm to 6pm since by that time you've used enough energy to be kinda hungry.

So how did I get to know about this drink? Easy, I visited an Indian Vegetarian Restaurant, and todays was the second time I went there. The food is very VERY spicy, and that's a warning. But enough of that, this is my blog not a culinary column, although it's tempting but my budget won't allow that kind of hobby. This weekend, according to the weather channel, there's suppossed to be some snow showers (which allegedly are really light and tourist friendly, YAH RIGHT!) so there might be a chance of me visitting a ski lodge or ski park or whatever they're called.

Well I'm gonna make this one short so that's the end of this entry, I'm not gonna make any funny stories about the prank call I made last tuesday.

See ya!

Razon de ser...

2006-02-13T23:12:00.000-05:00

Sometimes there are times that I feel like writing of whatever goes through my head at the moment, and thanks to my parents excellent academic planning and my own I'm happy to be able to.

So this is the raison d'etre of this blog. That and the whole idea of my close ones to know what I'm up to, no matter where I am. This, in its whole, is for you my friends. I really appreciate the fact that you are interested in my well being is very flattering so I'm very grateful, therefore I started this. Read and comment, feel free to say whatever you wish, after all if I don't like it, I'll just erase it... haha! Of course, I'm not kidding.

Enjoy!